I'm new here. Well, it's been about 4 months now and I have already seen an eye opening difference in the dating scene. If you are single and living in San Francisco, you will probably relate to at least one of these reasons as to why dating in a tech city is more difficult than you can imagine. Here is my list after a 4-month evaluation of why dating in this city is a whirlwind.
1. Online dating apps from Tinder and Bumble to Hinge and Happn are easily taking over our natural way of meeting people and are heavily relied upon when it comes to our love life. These apps make it easier for people to sift through the single crowd with efficient and sometimes sufficient results. However, as we continue to search for our soulmate via the inter web, we begin to avoid the people that are right in front of us. Whether this is at a bar, cafe, on the bart, bus, muni or even walking down the street, we are beginning to lose touch with what's right in front of us. I, too, am guilty of this, but what happened to meeting a person organically? For example, the other day, I met a pair of guys at the top of Marin Headlands because I asked one of them to take a photo of me and my pup. I soon found out they were from the same city as me. Did we fall in love? No, but we met organically and to be honest, I appreciated the nature of it.
2. Rejection is easier through an app versus in-person. People are beginning to lose self-confidence by not being able to approach people in public. After a night of going out with a girlfriend, we were quite dumbfounded that not one man approached us at a bar packed with plenty of single men. We could not put our finger on it. Then, after asking several men and women about their thoughts on this unexplainable escapade, I was told that this is just something people do not do in San Francisco, (not true, because I figured it out, see this article to know what I'm talking about). Apparently, setting up a date and time to meet someone using a dating app is the more efficient way to use your time than meeting people at a bar. I mean, c'mon, people have schedules and calendars to keep up with and maintain.
3. People are able to be selective as to who they want to talk to vs getting into a conversation with a stranger a the bar. Ok, granted, it's easy. People would rather make their selection through a simple swipe on their smartphone. I get it, swiping can be fun and I am not against it, but I also think meeting people organically can be full of fun as well. For instance, I recently met a person in an UberPool simply by mistakingly thinking she worked with me. Oops, what I thought was a silly mistake turned in to me finding a new friend in the city. For real, sometimes talking to people isn't so scary. Gee Wiz!
4. Time is precious and meeting someone at a bar just doesn't make sense to millennial's when they can make a decision about you based on your profile pic. Yes, back to the swiping. It's fun, its easy and its efficient. But lets be honest, how many of those really turn into dates? For the most part, they fizzle off after 2-3 correspondences. You know its true.
5. Lack of social skills. Some people have just forgotten how to flirt or approach someone with confidence, oh, and something worthwhile to say. For men, compliments never get old for women and for my women, an obvious smile with eye contact works every time. The social aspect will come naturally as long as you're interested in the person. Ask them questions, get to know the person in front of you whether or not it will turn into something lovely. You could potentially still make a friend, (see this article if you need help on setting this up). The point is, the only reason your social skills are lacking is because you're not socializing- so get out there and do it. Practice really does make perfect!
I'm not saying online dating is a dread, I'm just saying give it a chance while you're off the technology too. You never know who you will meet and where you will meet them. So, always show up as your best self.